I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
