Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
