How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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