He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
