If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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