i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
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