We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
