it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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