I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
