so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We got so high we made milksteak
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
