please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There's always time for handjobs
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
