how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
