I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
