I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
