My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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