If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Every concussion has its silver lining
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Randomize
