we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
