physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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