i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
