I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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