Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
