I just threw up on my dentist
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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