So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
