I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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