I'm so fucking centered right now
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
