sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
