Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
