I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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