I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
