Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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