$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
