if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
