yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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