you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
