turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
