i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
