I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
How does it feel to date your dad?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
