I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
