I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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