I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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