I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
