the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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