I am in a vortex of obligation.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
