Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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