How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Found the puke drawer
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
