just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Also, beer. Big fan.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
