I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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