i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
