Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
