Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
