how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
