There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
