Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
