great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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